brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
