I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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