Can Purell be used as lube?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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