So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
