we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
