yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sext me about skeletons
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
