So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
