i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We named our party play list daddy issues
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
