Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
