ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i came on her dog
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
