remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
