just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
