So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
