O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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