went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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