When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
