throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hippo gnu deer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
