i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
