All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I touched a dick in church today
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
