I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
