He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
