dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize