I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
