so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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