I like my sex mixed with concussions.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
