Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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