Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
