The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
