butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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