I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
