I want to walk on stilts...naked
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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