Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize