OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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