fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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