five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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