Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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