Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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