i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
