I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
