If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
