maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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