So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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