I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want a musical about memes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
