I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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