Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
