My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Randomize