Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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