there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
