Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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