You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
