that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
