we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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