Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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