So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
