I don't remember. Are we still dating?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
