wanna go halves on a baby?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
