Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
