She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
