so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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