UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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