Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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