So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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