Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
