Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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