why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
