So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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