Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
