You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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