I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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