I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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