it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
