he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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