I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
