I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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