How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just had sex bonerless
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
