Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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