I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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