i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
